Tears of sadness...tears of joy

The question that has been on everyone's minds in the past few weeks is, "Are you ready?" With this being such a prominent question I feel like I should at least attempt to answer it in as many ways as I can.

First off there is the tangible aspect. Is our stuff packed and are we ready to go? Well, we have been packed for about 2 months. We wanted to store our stuff at my grandparents house in the mountains and wanted to do it before the snow made the roads bad. Check... got that done and out of the way! Wait. What about the things we still need for being in Colorado, but not for the trip (my work clothes, winter clothes, ...)? Well, I decided I would just take that stuff to mom's house and keep it in storage. Thanks mom! Problem solved.

How about are we ready to go? As in do we have the trip planned out? Where are we going and for how long? Well, we have the truck loaded up for sure. Here are just some of the many items we have floating in the abyss: 2 bikes, a guitar, 2 didgeridoos, an electric bug zapper, spices, power winding lantern, running shoes, sandals, dvds, books, Spanish translator, sun screen, incense, soap, first aid kit, tools, filtered veggie oil, X-mas presents, passports and other misc paper work, pics of family and friends, all sorts of clothes, my hats, music, and a the kitchen sink! Yeah we have the stuff ready, but where? Well, we want to start at the Mexicali border in California and then go south down the Baja. We will take a ferry over to mainland Mexico and then to Belize. We are hoping to be in Mexico for about a month, but it is really up in the air. We are not making any of our plans definite. Overall we are wanting to go from Mexico to Argentina and back in about a year or longer. I would like to stay in Guatemala for about 6 months and possibly teach English and go to a Spanish language school simultaneously. We shall see...

How about the emotional part? Am I emotionally ready to go? Now this is a question that I have been asking myself time and time again. I mean I have been wanting to do this trip for a very long time and the fact that it is actually in the here and now rather than just the future is incredible. I wasn't sure if this day would come, but it has. And how do I feel about that? Well, I am excited. I am sad. I am curious. I am scared. I am cautious. I am stressed. I am relaxed. I am in love. I am me. I am happy. I am you. I am laughing. I am crying. I am shocked. I am thrilled. I am numb. I am courageous. I am proud. I am present. I am reminiscent. I am grateful. I am.

The hardest part of all, you may ask. It isn't the packing, it isn't the planning, it isn't the saving of money or even the spending of the money... it's the realization. The realization that I no longer live on Tejon St., that I no longer drive a 1990 Legacy Subaru, that my home is now the size of a small room, that the next time I see the lil' ones at Girls Inc they will be stronger, smarter and bolder, that I can't come home in the evenings to chat with my amazing roommates, that I won't be there to see the tomatoes in my yard grow next spring, that I won't be enjoying a tea next to a warm fire at John's dad's place up in Evergreen, and that all the amazing people I have made memories and built relationships with will be hundreds even thousands of miles away. The realization: I will miss home.

I hope this clears up the question in so many words. Peace and Love

Ciao, Kindra